Lift Up Your Eyes

Waiting is hard. It tests and forms us. We’ve been in a transition, a waiting period, for what seems like an eternity. When we were young, we’d pray and move on impulse, emotion mixed with faith. Recently entering our 50’s, we’re less inclined to trust those impulses and recognize a deeper calling toward communion in these periods of uncertainty. When everything in us screams for the known contours of structure, when we long for answers but instead are filled with important questions, we pause and remain, almost intuitively. We’re not afraid of taking risks and making decisions; it’s that we sense the invitation to trust more implicitly until the Shepherd releases our souls, and our train arrives.

The other day, I pictured this image (I asked AI to draw it), of a person waiting for a train. Usually, when we go on trips, we know the departure and arrival times and plan accordingly. In this journey of faith, sometimes waiting is the means and the end of God’s plan. Our minds quickly go to all of the historical figures in Scripture who waited, sometimes against all odds. Many never received the promises and died in a posture of waiting, trusting, and believing. It seems God really digs when humanity pauses to consider the Spirit’s impulse and invitation.

Do I want to move ahead with intention and speed? Yes. Does anything about now seeing the train, even which direction it may come from, bring joy? No. My poor ego! We can live lives of faith that look so exciting, so purpose-filled, even enviable perhaps when we’re in charge, setting the course, the timetables, determining outcomes. How dull and faithless we look when we’re in a posture of waiting. Waiting is illogical; it wastes our time. If I don’t start making decisions, I may waste away on this bench and become a source of ridicule.

Waiting purges the soul, challenges its insecurities, and places a mirror in front of us: Who do you trust? Who is your provider? What are your motives? Who gives you purpose?

Waiting makes us raw, increases our sensibilities, and shuts out the noise. The longer we wait, the more we invest ourselves in an outcome that is saturated with peace and the knowing that God, no matter the outcome, is indeed with us. Are we willing to pay the price for that assurance? Waiting is a cross, a surrender, and a trust that it is better to die waiting for the train than to scurry about to busyness for its own sake.

When we are waiting, we can experience moments of sweet affirmation, but for the most part, we’re battling with hope. We feel aligned with lament, though we know we’re not abandoned; it can feel like it. Has the conductor taken another route? Am I on the right track? Did the train already pass me by?

We are given no signs from God; no prophets are left, and none of us knows how long this will be.

psalm 74:9 NIV

I take some comfort in the formative process in this time of waiting. I say some comfort. What I really long for is the faint whistle of the train in the distance, along with the unmistakable plume of smoke. Here it comes! Gather your belongings, the waiting is over!

We long, we hope, and we wait for Christ to be our unmistakable answer. He has come, and we believe that Jesus will come again. It’s this middle part, this journey of faith, that has me, and perhaps you, stuck on a bench.

Deb, Claire, and I just returned from a visit to East Texas. We were greeted with some colder weather, then hail and a tornado warning, followed by several days +80F. The Boldings let us stay out at their lake house, which is about 25 minutes from Longview, where most of our friends live. We rented a car and made the trip in and out of town several times per day. Sometimes Deb would meet up with a friend, then we’d switch for various meetings and family connections.

Currently, we have Clark and Annabelle, and Broderic and Kristin with their three kids living in Longview, Texas. It was really nice to feel the warmth of the sun on our faces after this incredibly long winter up in Canada. We enjoyed sharing at some church gatherings and meeting up with old (we’re all aging!) friends and supporters of various missions/ministries. One church in particular has been exceedingly generous, Risen Life Church, with our friends Allen and April Hubbard and their pastors Steve and Bridgette Pawlak. Their small, but intentional band of praying folks has resourced several widows’ projects, including this winter’s focus on heating homes of the elderly.

I realized something during the visit. I really miss Tex-Mex food! Oh my, for whatever reason, I had forgotten how good it is. We enjoyed seeing our lifelong friends Art and Tracy, as well as Bo and Beth, the Tuttle family, Hubers, and several others who mean a lot to our family. I also was able to reconnect with former co-workers when I owned Cypress and EDsuite, including Hunter and Justin. It was a bit of a time warp this trip. We were in Texas last summer for Clark’s wedding, but we really didn’t take a breath and enjoy the community, so it had been a few years since we’d seen everyone in person, and for some friends, it was much longer between visits. It really hit home just how quickly the past 5 yrs have flown – we’re used to coming in, resting up quickly, and heading back to Ukraine over the years. To be there, without a looming flight back, and with time to breathe and be present, it was surreal and a bit disorienting to think how our lives are truly racing by alongside those we’ve known from our mid 20’s.

Thankful for the trip. Abbey stayed back and journeyed to British Columbia with her grandparents. It was a memorable trip for her, to see her cousins and enter a much more loud (and fun-gaming) family – she’s gotten used to our small family and being the oldest – it was nice for her to get to know her grandparents more as well. She turns 14 next week.

Well, here are some photos. Our next focus is to put our PA house on the market. It’s served our family well since buying it online from Ukraine just 2 months before Russia invaded. It’s been an oasis and landing pad for our college-age kids to enter the West while we remained in Romania. Noah is the only one there now; he just finished his GED there in Hazleton, PA, while working part-time at a restaurant. We’re very proud of him for getting that done after not having schooling from the 8-12th grades for the most part (other than music!). He will be considering college this fall. Where? We’re not sure exactly, but we know God has something coming together for us in this next season.

January has been a bit of a blur and a lot of travel. We’re still in Canada, but been traveling down to Pennsylvania several times with a family health situation with one of our adult children. We have sensed the peace of God, and are learning how to wait it seems in every area of life from vocational seasons, to shifting family priorities. Through it all, we are acutely aware of the mercy of Jesus, the love of the Father, and the invitation of the Spirit.

Last night Deb and I shared to 160 folks at a supporting church in Canada, Emmanuel Baptist. We were able to highlight Ukraine, and share a fresh video from the front lines and our good friend Dima. People still care about what is taking place in Ukraine, but a very real challenge is knowing what to believe these days. Adding the human element to the vaguery of war is important; we’re wired for emotional connections, and simple facts don’t seem to move the human heart by themselves.

This week, Deb’s parents will be moving into our house in PA. They’ve retired, once again (they will never retire), and after many years in France pastoring, they are transitioning back to North America. This will add some family for Noah who is living, working and going to school there now, as well as Brent whose next few steps will be important as he continues to transition and Lord willing find a more flourishing path.

We will be traveling to East Texas this March for two weeks, visiting friends, church partners and our family there. Broderic and Kristin moved there a few weeks ago, along with our 3 grandchildren. Clark and Annabelle also live there. Who knew our kids would navigate back to where they came! It makes sense, as our home base for 15 years was Ukraine, and moving to Romania, then to Canada last year didn’t really provide an anchor for our wandering crew. Tucker, for example, is in London, England for the next 3 months, then plans to fly to China to meet his girlfriend’s family! Bronwyn and Logan are doing well in Upstate New York, with their baby Sloane who makes us laugh and just turned one. Our girls Abbey and Claire are doing well here in Canada, although Abbey’s intense volleyball schedule is making me second-guess the meaning of life.

2025 was a pause, a year to regroup, reset, and by God’s grace renew our souls. We came to Canada to come alongside my mom who has cancer (who is doing surprisingly well despite it being stage 4 all this time). We have realized over time that it was us who needed love, some stability, and space to process the whirlwind of what was the past 4 years of war, relocation, and managed chaos. We are processing deep things, talking a lot, working through some dreams and hopes. We haven’t felt peace about settling in here, or with a community of believers. We have been meeting on some Monday nights with a friend who is journeying through similar age related life-leadership transitions and it’s been a blessing to hold that space. We used to clamor for larger groups and motion, activity, noise, now less is more, deeper with fewer, quieter.

Things we are aiming towards in this next stage:

• Genuine
• Adventure
• Joy
• Soulcare and Formation
• Global (intercultural)

We are most effective in this life when we are filled, embodying the faith we espouse. We’re continuing to steward the things God has given us, from Mir Ministries as a conduit of mercy to widows, and Lighthouse as platform for shining Jesus among international students in Romania. I’m also serving another charity with some marketing and tech guidance, on a retainer. In March I will begin the final stages of my doctoral dissertation and preparation for the defense this summer. I’ve applied to a few roles this past year, and come close to selection. This has helped process the deeper values and desires for this next season of convergence; where we pray our +20 years of intercultural experience synthesizes into something fresh, enjoyable and fruitful for the kingdom. It’s interesting, the positions that I didn’t get, I’ve become exceedingly grateful that I didn’t get them. Sometimes, I think, the Spirit is at work in my life keeping me from myself as much as opening the right paths. I’m learning, I think.

The world is changing. Gone are the days when denominational and parachurch organizations represented the bulk of Western missional activity. Now, a growing number of individuals, couples, and families are being sent from independent churches or simply sending themselves into a variety of bi-vocational situations.

As the world continues to reshape, so is the world of global missionary activity. With the click of a button and a credit card, you can get visas, passports, plane tickets, housing, and a ride from the airport. Those were once things you needed a skilled professional to coordinate. This autonomy and ability to move around the world at a moment’s notice has become a mixed bag, depending on who you ask.

The good. Mission organizations are a beast to maintain. They cost money to staff and usually require buildings to own or rent. Where does that money come from? Usually, a mixture of church partners and the missionaries themselves. For the missionary, agencies can take anywhere from 5–20 percent off the top, directly from their support base. As a mediator between the donor and the missionary, the agency handles admin, banking transfers, and donation receipts. By handling this on their own or leveraging help from a sending church, the missionary cuts out the middleman and keeps more donor funds. Win.

Well, maybe.

The bad. The agility and autonomy come at a price. The missionary who goes it alone without an agency of any kind is essentially a lone ranger in the world of missions, at least at the beginning. Often, they end up taxing other missionaries and needing a lot of help to survive the first few months. Many agencies provide training in areas like cross-cultural realities, language learning, and budgeting. Without these benefits, missionaries fling themselves directly into complex sociological realities, and it’s sink or swim. Attrition is high, and going it alone without a back office of support can be a very lonely experience.

The Lausanne Movement notes that the “center of gravity of global mission has shifted from the West to the Majority World.” Latin America, Africa, and Asia are now leading in missionary sending. David Platt, for example, describes this shift as “a massive rebalancing of global mission energy toward the global south and east.”

It’s a cultural reflection. The Western individual: strong, independent, in need of nobody but the Holy Spirit and a wad of Baht (Bankok currency!).

The ugly? Whether this shift is positive or negative is interesting to consider.

What I’m most interested in is another caveat that may be going unnoticed by most Christians in the West. Local, indigenous believers are increasingly sensing the call of God to their own people, in their own country of origin.

For Westerners, this concept is foreign. If a friend said they became a missionary, we’d automatically ask:

“To where?”

Don’t we have to go somewhere worse than where we live now to get the badge of being a missionary?

Over the past few decades, Western missionaries have indeed been sent into many difficult (for us) places. The local church has taken root, matured, and missional efforts have begun to bear fruit. Missio Dei Journal writes that Western agencies must “shift from owning the mission to partnering in mission,” because they no longer hold the primary leadership role.

Some of that fruit looks like new believers who carry the same burden, gifting, and inspiration to live for the Kingdom among their people. In many of these cultures, the cost of living is low, and salaries are equally challenging. Sometime,s a side-hustle job is enough to live, move, and have their being while dedicating most of the day to Spirit-led activities.

I’ve met and am friends with several local missionaries who don’t fit modernity’s mold. Let’s call them Post-modern missionaries. Romanians who are both qualified and effective missional agents in their home country. Ukrainians who served Jesus before the war, while holding stable jobs, are now full-time in-country missionaries. Russians — yes, even Russians — who have left their country and are now Post-modern missionaries in other Russian-speaking nations. Many have part-time jobs. Many simply live by faith — Acts-type faith that would challenge a Western believer to the core.

This brings me joy and concern.

Joy because God is at work, inviting and sending His Church into the world He loves. Joy because supporting a local missionary can cost one-tenth of sending a Western missionary family (Lausanne). Joy because this is what we should anticipate and hope for. Concern because the Western church, for the most part, is business as usual. 

OMF International warns:

“Mission agencies must radically alter their operating models or face obsolescence.”

Too often, we Westerners want to be the ones doing the ministry. We’d rather travel two thousand miles to swing a hammer on a nail than send the cost of the ticket to empower someone local to do it quicker, 10x less the cost, and with potentially greater community impact. Our identity as missional saviors to the world often gets wrapped up in being the ones with the answers, the money, the Gospel. 

What if the greatest impact of our resources isn’t when we use them ourselves, but when we reposition them to empower indigenous missionaries and unleash a global ripple effect far beyond anything we could imagine?

We are living at a crossroads in history — including church history.

We can come alongside what the Spirit is doing and support these hybrid, Post-modern missionaries. They are our brothers and sisters in Christ. They are gifted, willing, and sacrificing their lives for the advancement of love.

To support non-Western missionaries, contact me or donate via our registered charity here.

Bruce Crowe